When you have an itchy rash, you want it to go away — and fast!
It is annoying, unsightly, and the itching drives you up the wall! The itching even causes you to lose sleep!
So you go to the doctor, and they prescribe you a steroid cream. You put the steroid cream on your rash, and it disappears in a few days. Perfect!
… but it comes back……
I was numb. Asleep. But I didn’t even know it. It was a subtle growth of numbness. Like a limb left in one (albeit seemingly) comfortable position too long. I didn’t realize until movement came with the intense zinging of nerve sensation returning that I had been numb at all. A drifting off to sleep. The thick, deep sleep that when you wake, somewhat startled, you realize you were not even aware you had fallen asleep at all. I had to be. Because I needed a break from the pain. It was too much. It hurt too bad. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had resigned to the fact that I did not have what it takes to live life like everyone else did, nor did I want to. I was told to take the pills, because if I didn’t, I might try to kill myself again. This was probably true. The pills were the fix. I was “clinically depressed.” I knew I was depressed, or so I had the sense that this was true, but “clinically,” boy I didn’t know it was that bad. I still don’t even know what that means.…
